Come on Down! the Price. Is. Right.

Home sick from zee job today. Watched my favorite running game show, the (new) Price is Right with Drew Carey. 

According to Wikipedia, the PIR is believed to be the second longest-running game show on television, trailing only the Spanish-language variety show Sábado Gigante; it is also the longest running five-days-a-week game show in the world. 

Though nobody will ever replace the Silver Fox, Bob Barker, Drew Carey gets gangbusters on that shit and does a really good job. 

Glasses are to Drew Carey what the phallic mic was to Barker.

I guess we all know by now that Barker was sleeping with half of the Barker Beauties. I always imagined him breezing through the backstage pre-show, slapping their asses and making little misogynistic remarks while a team of assistants tried to keep up with him, fixin' his coif and applying self tanner to his face with a sponge. Oh, my imagination gets carried away.

A few months ago I went out with a friend of mine, a musician whose hired bass player is MARRIED to one of these ladies. I practically nailed the poor guy to the bar, interrogating him with a feverish line of questioning about behind-the-scenes secrets. I confided in him that I had always equated these assistants to flight attendants - look pretty, stay below the weight restriction, and do exactly what you were trained to do. I was pretty much on the money.

Moving on, I couldn't help but notice how utterly depressing the commercials are during this show. I'd say 97% of them are for products involving bladder control, fiber, anything endorsed by Wilford Brimley (I like to think of him as Brad Pitt for the "Cocoon" set), life insurance policies, a product called the Hoveround (which is a mechanical scooter), and dying some more.

I saw a particularly odd spot for Colonial Life Penn insurance policies, wherein 2 older women, who are dressed as "old ladies" to an almost comedic, high-school-theater-costume-dept.-degree (think "Mama's House") are arranging food and talking at a funeral wake.

They have the following exchange (we'll call them Ethel and Maude. Those just sound like elderly ladies names to me at the moment):

Ethel:     You have a Colonial Life Penn life insurance policy?

Maude:  Sure do! 

Ethel:     But how ever do you afford it?

Maude:  It costs AS MUCH TO BURY A WOMAN AS IT DOES A MAN!

Ethel:    (acting surprised), Well can you get me some more information....

...and so on. I have DV-R, so I watched this perplexing dialogue a few times over in horror. Not only is it incredibly perplexing that some copywriter sat down and penned that conversation, but it doesn't make any sense! Why would it cost more to bury a man than a woman in the first place? Is this some kind of er, feminist statement? 

I throw my hands up on that one.

Did I mention Wilford Brimley endorses like, everything if you are over the age of 65?

Anyways, I watched the whole show, and it thrilled me as it always has. I have always loved the rebel contestant who gives a middle finger to the rest of the panel in the first round and bids a dollar, hoping they will outsmart us all.

I love the Mountain Climber game, and sincerely/truly/deeply love Plinko.  I have always argued that because most of the games include bidding on household items (Hot Pockets and laxatives seem to be popular repeat items), the show is a bit unfair due to geographic circumstances. For example, if you grew up in say, newyorkcity, you'd be apt to price a roll of toilet paper or whatever at about double what it costs in the rest of the country. This is especially true for groceries. When I am home visiting in Michigan, Triscuits (for um, example) are priced at like, 3 boxes/$5. Screaming deal, compared to here, where they are $4.99 a box. So I feel this puts the contestant at a serious disadvantage in some instances. 

Just an observation from a fan.

As a viewer, of course the payoff comes when the show reaches its zenith - the showcase showdown. If you should ever find yourself IN the showcase showdown, my advice is that you pass on the first one (it usually involves a kitchen set or golf cart) and aim for the second if you can (it usually involves a trip/boat/car/luxury/etc).

I was amazed when I saw today, the prizes. 

Showcase A included said kitchen set and....a YEARS SUPPLY OF FROZEN PIZZA. 

Showcase B included a Ford Focus and ....A TRIP TO SPACE CAMP.

When did these prizes start getting so juvenile slash fantastic!?