YOU HAD ME @ MULTI-TRAUMA SEVERED LIMB AND IMPALED RESCUE MANNEQUIN

Some of my friends collectively run this very interesting artfag blog called Delicious Ghost.

I'm reposting this particular number because its the sick, macabre kind of thing that interests me.

MEDICAL MANNEQUINS

Need I say more?

"Trauma Intubation Head" MIGHT be my favorite category.

But then again, when your favorite films range from Texas Chainsaw Massacre to Sleepaway Camp, its hard to choose just one.

MIGRATION

Things I have Found on the Street this Week:

1. Broke-Ass Hair Weave (ick)
2. Several Playing Cards (face up)
3. Rubber Surgical Gloves (creepy)
4. Two face-up Pennies and a Dime
5. A LOBSTER CLAW
6. A pacifyer

NYC is a funny place.
I was wearing my brand new, swimmingpool blue Theory dress the other day, walkin' on Park Ave., and a bird shit on me. Specifically, my left sleeve.
Dear Birds - Some people wear their hearts there!
(but I'm told that is good luck, so I'll try to believe it)
Randomness.
Recently, my sister and I saw our 3rd consecutive person in a single day wearing a t-shirt with a picture of Andy Warhol on it.
I like Andy Warhol as much as the next post-modernist art aficionado, but I'm sick and fucking tired of hearing about him, and while I'm at it, Hunter S. Thompson, too. There are so many dynamite working artists and writers in this city, on this planet, and yet, every time I pick up a magazine, its Warhol-Thompson sandwiches again. You know that saying, "You can't move forward if you have a foot in the past"? I'm all for honoring their work but damn, I'm sick of the dwell.
It's cultural necrophilia!

In the spirit of the Oooh-Oooh New, here's something new & cool to pour into your ears.

TAKKA TAKKA

They're phenomenal, experimental, & interestin'.
They're from Brooklyn.
From what I can tell, they shave, bathe, and can actually play their instruments.

"MIGRATION"
is in-stores 7.29.08

SPIN did a nice piece on them today, and they're playing at a theater near you, soon. Check yo local listings, yo.
click on the bold stuff to listen/buy.
TAKKA TAKKA MYSPACE

Smooches, Bitches! xx

A Fork in the Road

I am on a reading bender, as I am wont to do in the summertime like no other time. I just finished devouring "Kitchen Confidential" by my (faux) boyfriend, Anthony Bourdain.

You see, I live around the corner from Les Halles - one of the most delicious French restaurants in NYC.

It double dog dares me to get fat.

I mean they have a FRENCH FRY CHEF. A man, whose very employablitiy relies upon making delicious, crunchy, perfect forests of french fries to suffocate your steaks under.

This one's a page turner, if you like eating. A backstage pass into hells kitchen, or the mind of a culinary daredevil/innovator/desperado! whose paintbrush is a knife, and whose canvas is sautee pan...whose palette is your palate.

Mesmerizing book that is useful, instructional, helpful, and passionate - as well as a cavity-sweet memoir of really growing in to chef-dom. This includes fond memories of summers spent pushing around toy sailboats in France and learning to appreciate food (Vichyssoise is a cold, pleasing french soup made from potatoes, scallions, and leeks. Like your first oyster, sensations like this can beautiful)(also, its also a superbeautiful nickname for your sweetheart - pronounced vish-ee-swah. sayitlikeyerfrench!)

The Chef with the dangling cig who was inspired seemingly by stark personalities, food as sex, food as pain, culinary vocabularies, art, the Ramones, Johnny Thunders, cocaine, mobster bosses, psychopathic cooks, mexican dishwashers, Marlboros, girls - Bourdain seemingly ate and ingested St Marks and everything below 14th street by the time he was 30. Some of it, he spit back out, and some of it stuck to his bones.

This man's meals are poems.

If you don't like to read, then there is a whole new season of "No Reservations" coming up on the Travel Channel next week, which is one of the only thrilling, smart shows on the ole' picturebox anymore.

For You: A little "cheat sheet" - some cliff notes, if you will (and you will) on dining out. Compliments of Bourdain, but in my own words....

*(bad news first) "Hollandaise sauce is a veritable petri dish of biohazards."

I am pretty much a goddamn cheerleader for the morning marriage of champagne and eggs, every day of the week. But apparently hollandaise sauce is riff raff! It might as well be made from cigarette butts and clarified lard. I am so upset about this - but I'll just order the omelet, now, thanks.

*If you order your steak well done (aside from not truly being able to appreciate a good slice of meat), you are going to get the shittiest slab of beef in the house. It doesn't matter if the number of stars that the restaurant has equal a constellation. Get over it. At least have it prepared medium, to ensure flavor and fresh. Even good chefs know they can throw out that piece of old leather on death row at the walk-in cooler, or they can save it for "food cost percent" - which means you might be chewing on a wallet if you say "well done".

*If you eat a cheap sushi restaurant, you're eating cheap fish and your worst fears can probably be confirmed here. The word discount can gen

erally be synonymous with "cheap" and/or "old". If something sounds too good to be true, it usually is! Don't skimp on RAW FISH for chrissake.

*file under: Good to Know: (at least in NYC) Fish is at its freshest on Tues-Thurs. Trust it. If you want to know why, you can read the chapter on fresh fish delivery, which is somewhat disturbing but helpful.

Above all, if you're going to go 20,000 leagues under the Sea, try to avoid the words "Monday" and "Special" in unison.

*Steer clear of Swordfish. Parasites love swordfish.

*Chilean Sea Bass: Overpriced/Trendy (also, see above)

*Here's a good point - use the restroom at the restaurant you're eating at as a compass. Think about it - "They let you see the bathrooms. If the restaurant can't be bothered to keeps the floors and toilets clean, imagine what their refrigeration and work spaces look like." You can't argue with THAT.

*Eat the bread. Its OK. In fact, its aces.

*When travelling, its ok! to try foods from the street vendors. There are probably in all likelihood more concerns in a fast food kitchen than at these places. Think about it - these carts don't stay in business with the locals by giving them crummy dishes! Enjoy local foods when travelling!

Travel Guide for Upcoming Season here

A Thousand Sharks Teeth

The new My Brightest Diamond album pulls a rabbit out of the hat.

Adjective soup: ethereal and operatic and dreamy.

I saw her perform a while back, and all I can say is that she reminded me of The Wizard of Oz.

When you hear her, that will make perfect sense. There's something kind of fantastical, technicolor, deep-in-the-forest, wood nymph-y about her voice.

Forever in Blue Jeans: A Tribute to Jewish Elvis

A decade ago, I was working for Columbia Records in Detroit. At one of my retail accounts (the inimitable, great WhereHouse Records), there was a fellow musicnerd named Ben. He did a lot of great displays and in-store promotions for me. I owed him a couple of favors, to say the least.

His girlfriend was one of the worlds biggest Neil Diamond fans.

She was decidedly a "square" to me, because I was too stupidly arrogant, young and green back then regarding songwriting greats to recognize the talent and finer points of Neil Diamond, the man they call the Jewish Elvis. Plus, my dad loved him, and I hated what my dad loved (oh! teenage rebellion!)

It would not be until about a year ago that I figured out his genius.

In any event, Ben begged me to get tickets for Neil Diamond as a birthday gift supremo to his girlfriend. A surprise, he was planning and hoped I would help him out. I asked a few favors from the higher ups in NY (whose blank do I have to blank to get Dolly Parton tickets, by the way!?) and voila! Ben had 2 rows to see Neil Diamond in the second row! His girlfriend would be so elated!

The day following the show, I happened to stop into the record store. I remember this day because we were standing around discussing the um, May-December romance-marriage bewteen R. Kelly and Aaliyah, and somehow segued into the prior evenings Diamond show.

I asked him how the big birthday gift went over.

There was a long pause.

(I believe they call this a pregnant pause, but that term sorta grosses me out)

Ben responded "Umm, yeah, great...Thanks" which I thought was kinda rude.

He continued on, "I didn't know you were getting us backstage passes. Thanks for those, too," rather sarcastically.
And so the story was told to me.

Our radio guy brought back Ben and his girlfriend for what we call a meet-and-greet in my biz, if you will. An assembly line of people from radio, press, retail, etc. come back and meet the artist following their set. It can be impersonal, but its a chance for many great supporters and lucky fans to get a chance at rare autographs and a star encounter!

On this particular night, my friend Ben introduced his girlfriend, adding, "Its her birthday and she's been your #1 fan for years. She is SO excited to be here."

Neil, apparently met her eyes when he shook her hand, firmly, pulled her to him, and stuck his tongue in her mouth for a longkiss, after saying, "Well, Happy Birthday to You", eyes firmly fixed on hers. Whilst her boyfriend and hangers-on watched, some in horror.

hehehehe- SUPRISE!

This story was repeated to me by a second witness, and I was in shock, but thought it was sort of awesome, too. So, in honor of his majesty, here are some other facts (a la this month's great Blender piece) that might surprise or interest you about Mr. Diamond.

1. He was shot in the face once in Flatbush, Brooklyn "scrapping" with a pellet gun and it scared him so he never fought again (so gangsta! so...street! take that, lil' wayne!)

2. He sold vitamins door-to-door to make ends meet before he became famous

3. He wanted to change his name to Eice Cherry (I have no idea how one would even pronounce it) or Noah Kiminski (ummm), but his grandmother was in the hospital just before he struck songwriting gold, so he kept his actual name on his album, lest he disgrace her with a stage name. (thus proving the everything happens for a reason. a theory to live by.)

4. He went to high school with Barbera Streisand (in Brooklyn) but they weren't friends

5. He almost took on the role of Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver, but decided not to. (however, the film The Jazz Singer starring Neil Diamond is fucking great.

Especially the montage playing "Love on the Rocks" where he questions his whole life calling, goes on a soul searching journey, wears cocaine sunglasses, and doesn't shave. This is right before he reunites with his love on the beach, and "Hello Again" plays. I will stop now!)

6. All those old, spangled, tight outfits from the 70s have been preserved in a climate-controlled vaults (along with his guitars). Helloooo...Hot August Night.

This Looks Awesome.

I will never, ever tire of seeing animals talk on the big screen.

I cannot wait to see this. 

What's that? 

You want to see it, too?

Fantastic, old pal!

My treat. 

I'll get the popcorn, too. 

NO,

REALLY.

I INSIST.

The Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good

I watched "El Cantante" the other night and actually sort of enjoyed it. Ok.. I liked it!

What the fuck, right?

Anyways, I have an Achilles heel for that kind of stuff. There are men who like, say, dressing up in their girlfriends lingerie. There are women who like, I dunno, eating an entire cake in one sitting.  

My vices include absurd-implausable romantic comedies and Mark Anthony (amongst others). Could be worse (right?). Anyways...

...As Max Fischer said, "Aah, Latin America and such. WELL, moving on..."...here's some

stuff I actually have confidence in. 

Riunite on Ice, yeah, my taste is niiiiiice.

DAVID SEDARIS: WHEN YOU ARE ENGULFED IN FLAMES

I have like, Christmas eve suspense in my Heart before a Sedaris book comes out, because he is the best writer alive right now. Period. I will be college-lined paper, book reporting on this really shortly. But in the meantime, enjoy this little vignette, if you will, about overhearing a tourist couple argue about directions and the language barrier in Paris:

" 'You want to be French, Mary Frances, that's the problem, but instead you're just another American.' I went to the window for that one and saw a marriage disintegrate before my very eyes. Poor Mary Frances in her beige beret. Back at the hotel it had probably seemed like a good idea, but now it was ruined and ridiculous, a cheap felt pancake sliding off the back of her head. She'd done the little scarf thing, too, not caring that it was summer. It could have been worse, I thought. She could have been wearing one of those striped boater's shirts, but, as it was, it was pretty bad, a costume. really.

LIL' WAYNE: THE CARTER III 

(let us note the great album cover art, as well right now)

File Under: Scary-Smart. Skills: Extraterrestrial.  

Rap-poet-savant-phenom ....baptized by Jay-Z with the torch...and this album is tops. I hope it sees forever.

Man, I got Summer hating on me cause I'm hotter than the sun / Got Spring hating on me cause I ain't never sprung / Winter hating on me cause I'm colder than y'all / And I would never, I would never, I would never Fall...