Abort the Operation. Avoid the Noid.

Katherine asked me to do a blog about that old rumor that Domino's Pizza gives all their money to pro-life organizations. As I considered this, I was reminded of some burner I met back at a college party whose idea of political activism was informing every hungry, drunken attendee that said pizza chain was full of corporate villains who juggled performing back-alley abortions and making flavorless pies, before passing out in a pool of his own vomit.
Years later, I'm always surprised when someone I know hits their speed dial and less than 30 minutes later ("guaranteed"), and a delivery man shows up to deliver what I feel is a substandard food product, tasting of baked cardboard bathed in Elmers (TM).
I guess I'm mainly surprised people would eat it because I live in NYC, and you can get some of the most delicious slices in the country here (what up ROSARIOS! I'm talkin to YOU, VEZZO!).
But above all, I'm most surprised because, well, I have heard the conspiracy against Domino's so many times now that I believe it myself.
So I did a little research.

The truth is, money cannot be directly traced from the corporation to pro-life organizations, as donations to such no-choice organization were made by a private citizen (who, used the profits from his pizza company! Funnel funnel.) The company's founder, Tom Monaghan has been unapologetic, very public, and very generous in his support for both Operation Rescue and other Catholic anti-abortion organizations. Operation Rescue, in case you are interested, operates the "Truth Truck" - a large panel vehicle that bears images of aborted fetuses.
Reading about the Truth Truck reminded me of the brilliant comedian Doug Stanhope, who did a "bit" on how insane pro-lifers in this country can be, making flyers of grotesque abortions and making flyers featuring pictures of fetuses and so on, and how he prefers to point the finger back at them, citing child pornography ("...You could have at least airbrushed a BIKINI on that little baby, sir! You make me SICK!").

In any event, Monaghan is no longer associated with the organization so its kinda sorta an urban myth. Dominoes issued this statement:

Domino's Pizza has never supported organizations on either side of the reproductive rights issue. The corporation and its 1,825 independent franchise owners across the world have one goal: to sell pizzas and increase our market share. We can't accomplish that goal if we alienate potential customers, as this issue certainly would.

Right, OK.

Researching elsewhere, I found some sort of funny little pieces of trivia about the pizza place.

Remember the NOID mascot? Check this out.

In the 1980's, Domino's Pizza was well known for its advertisements featuring the character. Customers were implored to order from Domino's in order to "avoid the Noid."
In 1989, a man, Kenneth Lamar Noid, who thought the ads were a personal attack on him, held two employees of an Atlanta, GA Domino's restaurant hostage for over five hours. After forcing them to make him a pizza, Noid surrendered to police. Noid was charged with kidnapping, aggravated assault, extortion, and possession of a firearm but found not guilty by reason of insanity.

AFTER HE FORCED THEM TO MAKE HIM A PIZZA.

And one other tidbit.

Monaghan, Domino's Founder, started the business by trading his VW Beetle for half of the business. In 1983, he bought the Detroit Tigers. Monaghan ultimately sold the Tigers to his competitor Mike Ilitch of Little Caesar's Pizza in 1992. Combining his passion for pizza and baseball, he wrote the1986 autobiography entitled....Pizza Tiger.

The 30-minute money-back guarantee is only considered an estimate now (pillow talk) because, in short, deliverypersons were getting into car accidents and speeding tickets trying to deliver pizzas on time. heh.
Thanks to stream-of-consciousness thinking, I am now reminded now of an incident I witnessed while strolling one day.
I saw a FedEx truck hauling ass up a quiet residential street, petal-to-the-metal style.
Seconds later I heard the alarming and loud screech of brakes. The FedEx driver, came within INCHES of hitting a UPS man on foot. The UPS deliveryguy, in his milk chocolate brown uniform and cap, stood at the grill of the halted truck, trembling and stunned at his brush with death, but ultimately, unharmed. It was one of the most ironic moments I've had the serendipitous opportunity to witness. I think it was just bizarre for all witnesses, myself not spared.
Come to think of it, my Italian friend used to work for FedEx, actually.

His name?
Johnny Pisano.

And...we're full circle.